


We Forgot The Sugar!

by UnluckiestFridays



Series: The Doctor Meets the Doctor [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Grocery Shopping, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Pears, Shopping, Shopping Malls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-14 23:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19282975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnluckiestFridays/pseuds/UnluckiestFridays
Summary: The Doctors are off on a shopping trip to restock their TARDISes. Of course, as expected, they get sidetracked.





	We Forgot The Sugar!

**Author's Note:**

> This is partially inspired by the Absolutely Fabulous episode 'Poor', which, each time I watch it, I find hilarious.

"So," Ten said, his clever specs on and a lengthy shopping list in his hands, "I need the basics. Milk, sugar, teabags, butter, bread, et cetera."

Nine looked at his own list. It was considerably shorter than Ten's.

"Same with me," he nodded and put the list in his leather jacket.

"Nardole just wants green tea and sugar, and Bill wants Digestives," Twelve grumbled, "don't know why they couldn't get it themselves."

Eleven and Thirteen skimmed their shared list, pointing at several items on it and muttering to each other. 

"Yep. Just the basics for us, too," Eleven said and made hard work of folding his and Thirteen's list up before putting it away in his tweed jacket. 

As they walked and chatted away, they came upon a large shopping mall. It loomed over the 'mighty' Time Lords, casting a stretched shadow over their features. Above the mall, the had started sun show itself, only just. 

"Is this it?" Thirteen asked incredulously, with a tinge of disappointment.

"Yep," Ten nodded, popping the 'p' in the way that was familiar to all the others, bar Nine.

"Bit... Small, isn't it?" Prompted Eleven.

"Nothing is ever to your satisfaction, is it?" Twelve rolled his eyes behind his shades, actually quite grateful he was wearing them as the sun was starting to be too bright, scaring away the shadows that had been protecting their eyes.

Making the first move, Nine started heading in the direction of the mall entrance. 

"Come on then, if we want to get this done. Then we can all go back to our lives, fighting off Slitheen and closing rifts," he called on his way.

Sharing simultaneous looks, the other Doctors shrugged and followed their youngest self into the mall. 

As soon as they entered, they were assaulted with the sound of chattering humans, screaming children, and dreadful pop music playing over too-big speakers, as if people couldn't already hear the music.

Thirteen and Ten scronched their faces, Eleven winced, and Nine and Twelve braved it all, taking in the sight without a single expression.

As slyly as he could, Eleven took out his sonic and aimed it at the speakers. With a press of a button, the music reduced in volume and he was able to relax his face from the semi-permanent wince it had been set on.

"Thank you," Twelve said to his previous face.

"Don't mention it," Eleven replied, returning his sonic screwdriver to its resting place in his pocket.

Nine retrieved his list from his pocket just as a woman walked past. She nudged his arm and he let go of his list, the light piece of paper floating off through the spacious mall. 

He gaped in disbelief at his runaway paper, then turned to glare at the back of the woman's head.

"Well, there goes my list," he muttered, watching in disgust as a sticky child grabbed it and started chewing it as if it were the most delightful thing it had ever tasted.

Beside him, Thirteen and Eleven snickered at his misfortune, taking out their own shared list. 

"We've still got ours, you can just get what we get," Thirteen offered, casting one last amused glance at the child on the other side of the mall who was eating Nine's list.

"We should start-" Twelve began, only to be interrupted by a startled yelp. He, himself, startled, not expecting the noise, nor for it to be so close to himself.

"Look at that!" Eleven exclaimed, long arm pointing at a shop window, his too-short sleeves riding up a bit to reveal his watch. It was odd, for a time traveller who could sniff the air and tell what planet they were on the air density, and if it was going to rain, to wear a watch. But hey, maybe he wore it for the fashion statement.

In the shop window (the  _toy_ shop window) stood a colourful dinosaur. Its head turned to the right a bit, its large mouth opening to let out an electronic roar. Its large feet stomped once, twice, and then thrice.

"Brilliant! That's brilliant, that is!" Thirteen followed up Eleven's exclamation.

Together, the duo ran up to the shop window and practically shoved their faces into it to watch the little toy dinosaur roar and stomp its feet. 

Behind them, Twelve and Nine stared, unimpressed at the sight.

"You've gotta admit, that is pretty cool," Ten said, hands shoved deep in his pocket as the trip watched Eleven and Thirteen rush into the shop to buy the dinosaur.

"It's a toy dinosaur," Twelve stated in his thick Scottish accent.

"And if we wanted to see a dinosaur, we could just go and see a real one," Nine added.

"I suppose," Ten admitted.

Out of the shop, Eleven and Thirteen came running, twin boxes in their hands. Twelve closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, unsure if his blood pressure was currently at a safe level.

"Look at these, guys!" Thirteen enthused, shoving her boxed dinosaur in Ten's face.

Eleven repeated the action to Twelve while Nine rose an eyebrow at the spectacle his future selves were making. 

"Yes, yes, I can see," Twelve said, shoving the box away from his face. Ten did the same, but more considerately of Thirteen's feelings than Twelve had been with Eleven.

"Didn't we each get a certain amount of money to spend on groceries?" Ten pointed out, eyeing the boxes.

"Yes, but there was an ATM in the shop so we just borrowed some money to pay for these," Eleven said, tucking the box under his arm.

"How... convenient," Twelve drawled.

"'Borrowed'?" Nine repeated. "Are you going to return it?"

"What?" Thirteen asked.

"The money you 'borrowed', are you going to return it?"

"Well... no, but-" Eleven stuttered, stumped.

"So you stole it?" Ten interrupted with a grin.

Eleven and Thirteen shared a look.

"No, we borrowed it," Thirteen tried.

"You said you're not going to return it, therefore, you stole it. You didn't use a bank card, so you stole it," Twelve pointed out.

"Oh, my- we're criminals," Eleven realised with wide eyes.

"We're gonna get arrested," Thirteen gaped, "Kate Stewart is going to have to bail us out, how humiliating will that be?"

"Oh, calm down, you pansies," Twelve interrupted.

"We're just messing with you," Nine rolled his eyes, so far not liking the sight of his future.

"Anyway, we need to get these groceries before you two find anything else you want to buy," Ten said, pointing at the toy dinosaurs with raised eyebrows.

Hugging their toys closer to their chests in defiance to the fact that their other selves thought they were pointless, Eleven and Thirteen lead the way through the packed shopping mall.

* * *

In the end, it took the five of them at least half an hour to find the grocery store. The shop turned out to be on the other side of the large mall, but with so many people getting in the way and all the distractions (mostly things that Eleven, Thirteen, or Ten found exciting), it took them longer than they would have liked to find the shop. 

Twelve had never been so happy to see the simple yellow font above a store on all of his long, drawn-out life. 

With determination, Twelve shoved his way past half the people entering and exiting the grocery store, ready to get the shopping trip over with. 

As soon as he and his other selves made their way inside the shop, straight away, he could hear Ten cussing out the pear section, Thirteen hurrying over to the bakery, Nine sneakily eating the grapes, and Eleven shaking a bag of flour (to see if it was of good quality, of course). 

"Do you think this flour will be good to make custard?" Eleven asked Ten, showing him the bag of flour.

"It's flour," Twelve cut in, "what on Earth do you mean?" 

"Well I only want the best custard for the Ponds, I need to know if this flour is good enough," Eleven said seriously. 

For a moment, Twelve stared at him in silence. Then, he took the flour in his hands and shook it next to his ear. 

"It's fine. The best there is," he said, handing the bag back to Eleven. 

"Good. I'll go get a trolley," Eleven said, rushing off to do just that. 

"Have you seen these?" Ten said as soon as Eleven was gone. 

"What?" Twelve asked, tearing his unimpressed gaze away from Nine eating the grapes. 

"These... Pears. I mean, the nerve of these people, putting these disgusting things on display. There are children here, for God's sake!" Ten stressed, gesticulating at the green fruit. 

"I know. It's disgusting," Twelve agreed with a frown. 

An annoying noise made Twelve look up from the offending fruit. He turned around in time to see Eleven riding a trolley over to them. 

A heavy sigh escaped Twelve and he grabbed hold of Eleven's makeshift vehicle before he could crash into the bananas. 

"This is a trolley, not a car," Twelve pointed out. 

"Some good fruit here," Nine said, coming back over to them and adding two boxes of red grapes to the trolley. 

"You would know," Twelve rose an eyebrow. 

"Where's Thirteen?" Nine asked as he read the list he was now sharing with Eleven and Thirteen. 

"Bakery section," Ten said around an apple. 

Twelve was stuck on whether he wanted to tell his other selves to stop eating the produce or see what his next self along was doing at the bakery section. It couldn't have been taking her that long to get bread, surely. 

Looking over, Twelve realised exactly why she was taking so long. 

Pinching his nose, he refrained himself from marching over to her and pulling the baguettes out of her sleeves. Instead, he practised the breathing exercises he and Nardole went over a few years ago.

Beside him, Eleven chuckled and Twelve looked up once more to see a flock of children gathered around Thirteen, giggling at her antics. His breathing calmed and he decided he would just calmly go over to her and remind her of why they were there.

Taking the lead once more, Twelve strode over to Thirteen (calmly) and pulled one of the baguettes out of her sleeves. He put it in the trolley, vaguely remembering Ten mentioning something about wanting a baguette for him and Donna.

"We're not here to mess around, Thirteen, we're here to get groceries," he reminded her, aware of the numerous children glaring at him for ruining their fun.

"Right you are, Twelve, sorry," Thirteen sheepishly apologised and removed the other baguette from her sleeve, handing it to a ginger child who had been gaping at her the entire time. He grinned brightly and hurried over to his mother who seemed to be looking for him, and shoved the bread into her hands.

"Sorry, you lot," Thirteen addressed the remaining children, "granddad here is a bit _boring_ , so I've gotta carry on grocery shopping. Yawn! Anyway, why don't you lot hurry back to your parents slash guardians and help them find what they need, eh?"

Seeming eager to please, the children scattered in search of their respective guardians to do just as Thirteen had requested. 

"Good, now let's get this over with," Twelve grumbled, snatching Eleven's list and skimming over it so he knew what to get next. "Right, you want milk. Well, dairy is over there, so why don't you go get that while Thirteen retrieves the biscuits."

"Right-o!" Eleven nodded and abandoned the trolley to fetch the milk he needed.

"On it!" Thirteen grinned and rushed off to get the biscuits she and Eleven needed, plus some for Nine as he didn't have a list of his own anymore.

Twelve turned back to Ten and Nine, "now that they're busy, we can actually get what we need. Ten, you need teabags, right? Well, I need green tea, so let's go get that."

With that sorted, the trio headed down to the tea aisle to get what they needed, Nine towing Eleven's trolley all the while.

As far as they were concerned, Eleven and Thirteen would be busy for a while getting their own items, so that left some time for the others to get their stuff without having to worry about what the other two were doing or where they were. 

* * *

"What's the difference between this tea and this tea?" Ten asked, two separate boxes held in his hands. 

Nine peered over his shoulder.

"That one's cheaper," he noted, pointing at one bland box with a cheaper price on the front. 

"Oh, well that's sorted. I'll get this one," he said, putting the other box back and the box of teabags into Eleven's trolley. 

"I don't know which green tea Nardole wants me to get," Twelve said, standing in front of a shelf that had many different types of green tea stocked. 

Nine and Ten joined him, their fingers simultaneously going to their chins, unknowingly mimicking Twelve as they thought. 

"Are you all right?" A stocky, kind lady asked, stopping behind them. 

"Yes, thank you," Twelve said, "I just don't know which green tea Nardole wants."

Despite not knowing who Nardole was, the woman left her trolley to join the Doctors by the shelf. 

She picked up a box of green tea and handed it to Twelve. 

"If I were you, I'd get this one," she advised in a stage whisper, "the others ain't as good for your stomach, as they say." 

"Ah, okay," Twelve replied in his own whisper, "thank you." 

"No problem, chuck," the woman smiled kindly, patting his arm. 

With that, she returned to her trolley and trotted off to carry on her shopping. 

"Well, that was easy," Ten said as Twelve put the green tea in the trolley. 

"Is there anything else we need from this aisle?" Nine asked, eyeing the multitudes of tea, coffee, and sugar. 

The other two glanced around. 

"Not that I can think of," Twelve said. 

"Me neither, let's go get the butter," Ten said and took hold of the trolley, leading them out of the tea aisle. 

* * *

"Eleven, look what I found," Thirteen shouted, running up to her former self. 

"Sorry?" An old man dressed in tweed turned around, his eyes magnified by his round glasses. 

"Oh, sorry, wrong person," Thirteen apologised and looked around for her previous self. 

She spotted him stood by the yoghurts. 

"Doctor," she called, to which he looked up and waved at her with a smile. 

Thirteen ran up to him and shoved a large packet into his hands, nodding when his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. 

"I know! How cool is that! Five different kinds of biscuits in _one_ packet!" Thirteen gushed, taking the packet back and eyeing the custard creams on the front. 

"And they have jammy dodgers in there," Eleven said, his voice high pitched. "But wait, have you seen this?" 

Eleven plucked a small crate of yoghurts out of the open fridge section. 

"Oreo yoghurts," he said simply, an amazed smile on his face. 

"No way," Thirteen gasped. 

* * *

"So, that's the butter," Nine said, crossing it off Eleven and Thirteen's list. "Now, apparently someone called Graham wants crumpets."

"Since when did we become our companion's shopping delivery service?" Twelve grumbled and looked around for the bakery section. 

He'd come to the conclusion a while ago that they were just going around in circles at that point. One minute they were going to the produce section from the meat section, then they would be returning to the meat section because someone had remembered something else they needed and put it halfway down the list. 

As they were making their way down to the bakery section once again, he gathered some pot noodles off of the shelves, suddenly remembering that Missy really liked them and had requested some more. 

* * *

"Sir, ma'am," a hesitant worker said, making a face at the pair of adults at the yoghurt section. 

"Yeah?" Thirteen said, pulling her head out of the fridge. Eleven joined her a second later. 

"Uh, my manager says if you can't behave yourselves in the store, you're going to have to leave," the worker said as a security guard stepped up behind her, his arms crossed in a threatening way. 

"Wha'?" Thirteen gasped. "We were just looking at the yoghurts!" 

"Yeah, I mean, have you seen these?" Eleven exclaimed. "They're chocolate  _and_ caramel!" 

"That's brilliant, that is!" Thirteen nodded and offered the worker a yoghurt. 

"It's just yoghurt," the worker said, taking the yoghurt then putting it back in the fridge. "And you're making everyone uncomfortable sticking your heads in the fridge."

"But they're so cool," Eleven said, dejected. 

"Sir, they're _just_ yoghurts," the worker repeated. 

"Maybe they should leave," the security guard suggested, all-too eagerly in his gruff voice. 

"What? You can't kick us out, we have to get our grocery shopping. The Ponds will be mad and my fam will be disappointed!" Thirteen cried in offence. 

"Ma'am, please calm down," the worker tried. 

"I mean, Graham will want a cuppa and a crumpet when I get back to the TARDIS and Ryan wants his coke, whatever that is! A-and the Ponds! They just wanted a decent, non-microwaveable meal!" Thirteen explained, arms waving frantically while Eleven nodded beside her, agreeing with everything she said. 

"Yes, they've only had microwave lasagne since coming on board the TARDIS," Eleven said, "been meaning to come grocery shopping for a few centuries now, things keep getting in the way, though." 

"Sir, ma'am," the worker interrupted their simultaneous ranting, "we're going to have to ask you to leave." 

* * *

"I think that's everything," Ten claimed a couple hours later, everything on his list had been crossed off as far as he could see. 

"Good, then we can pay for this and leave," Twelve grunted, pushing a trolley. Behind him, Nine and Ten had their own trolleys that they were pushing. 

"Might take a while, but we'll get there," Nine said. 

As they approached the checkout, they were watched by several surprised adults and one regretful employee at the checkout. 

They joined onto the end of the checkout line and folded their arms, annoyed not only at the amount of shopping they had but at the time it would take to scan it all. 

A few minutes later, when it was finally their turn, Twelve had the displeasure of telling the teen at the checkout, that all three trolleys were theirs. 

* * *

Eleven and Thirteen say glumly outside the grocery store, their arms crossed and a pout on their features. They couldn't believe it. They'd only wanted to look at the yoghurts, for Gallifrey's sake. What was so bad about that? 

And when they'd tried to explain themselves, Geoff, the security guard, had forcibly removed them from the store. 

"What's taking the others so long?" Eleven absently wondered. 

Thirteen shrugged, watching a young kid with a lollipop exit the store with her father. She wanted a lollipop, now. 

"I want a lollipop," she stated to Eleven. 

"Me too. Shall we go get one?" 

"Yep, they'll be a while anyway." 

* * *

A long, long while later, Nine, Ten, and Twelve were finally finished at the checkout. They put the final item in a bag and collective sighed in relief. 

"Okay, so that'll be two-thou-" the teen at the checkout started. 

"Two-thousand?" Twelve interrupted incredulously. "If I'd have known it would cost this much, I would have gotten Nardole and Bill to get their own stuff, and not come with these buffoons!" He continued, gesturing to his previous regenerations. 

"Charming," Ten said with a roll of his eyes. 

"Just, let's pay for the shopping and go," Nine sighed, sharing Twelve's viewpoints, but less willing to go ranting and raving in the middle of the store. 

With the heaviest of sighs, Twelve pulled out the card Nardole had given him and put it in the card machine. After entering his pin and completing the transaction, he retrieved the card and shoved it deep in his pocket.

"Thank you, and here's your receipt," the teen said with what looked like a forced smile, "have a nice day."

Twelve returned the smile, looking pained and grabbed a few of the bags they had. Nine and Ten also grabbed some bags and altogether, the three of them made the difficult journey out of the store into the cold air of the shopping mall.

As they made their way through the crowd of people, Ten suddenly stopped with an alarmed expression on his face. 

"Wait, where are Eleven and Thirteen?" He asked, suddenly remembering Twelve had sent the pair off at the start of the trip to get milk and biscuits.

Twelve stopped and slowly turned around. 

"Oh," he said, also coming to the realisation that they'd lost two other versions of themselves.

"Oh, you're finished," Thirteen said, coming up to the three Doctors, a giant lollipop in her hand. Eleven followed behind her, a lollipop just as big in his hand.

"What's that?" Nine inquired politely.

"It's a lollipop, can't you see?" Eleven pointed out, holding the sweet up for them to see.

"Of course I can see," Nine said, "why's it so big?"

"Because it is," Thirteen said slowly, but it sounded more like a question than anything else.

"Right," Twelve said and silence fell upon them as Eleven and Thirteen continued licking their lollipops.

"So, you got everything then?" Thirteen questioned, eyeing the bags he was holding.

"Yes, this is your stuff," Twelve told her, passing two of the bags over.

"This is yours, Eleven," Ten said and gave the bags over.

"I guess we can go back to our TARDISes then," Eleven said almost hesitantly.

"I suppose," Thirteen agreed, pulling the lollipop away from her mouth.

Another silence fell over them as they watched each other.

Eventually, Eleven cracked. 

"It wouldn't hurt to have a quick game of cards, would it?" He suggested.

"Nah, should be fine," Ten said optimistically, already heading for the mall exit.

With renewed energy, the other Doctors followed him for said game of cards (even Twelve). 

* * *

Onboard Eleven's TARDIS, the Doctors were gathered around the table in the enormous kitchen, unpacking Eleven's bags before their game or cards. The kitchen looked like something out of a cooking show. 

"Okay, that's everything," Ten said, putting the butter away in the fridge. 

"What?" Eleven asked with a frown and held the bag upside down as if expecting something to fall out of it. "But, that can't be it. Something's missing."

"Where's the list?" Thirteen asked. 

"Twelve has it," Nine informed. 

Twelve reached into his pocket and handed Thirteen the list she and Eleven had made earlier. 

"Oh, I see," she said with pressed lips and handed the list to Eleven. 

Scrunching up the list, Eleven put it in the bin and placed his hands on his hips. 

"What is it?" Ten asked. 

"We forgot the sugar." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
